yes we will talk about sex.. Don’t walk away….
First, why are we told sex should take place after marriage ? Most of us will answer cause God wants us to be pure, marriage known to be sacred and children should ideally be conceived after a marriage.
Marriage is known as a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any resulting biological or adopted children and affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage). The definition of marriage varies around the world not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.
Yet God made it very clear in (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) that Marriage is the only legitimate place for sex, marriage is the only relationship in which a couple can formally have sex/intercourse.
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
However we see more couple having children before and outside a marriage, against the plan of God. Although being pregnant before marriage still remains a taboo in many religions.
Some people will argue sex before marriage allow them to practice and get to know each other and connect with their partner. I used to think that could be a possibility but hey I was wrong, you can still connect after marriage and there would be plenty of time, a long time to practice after marriage. So what’s the rush ???
I know people who said ” I have to experiment first, in case he/she might be rubbish and I ain’t marrying a saint or a boring person, sex would be boring…..
But remember Good sex before you’re married does not mean that you will necessary have Good sex afterwards.
However when GOD blesses your marriage, you will have the privilege to enjoy good sex too, whatever God created is perfect, remember in Genesis,
King James Bible
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day Genesis 1:31….
Why so? Are we then marrying the person because he/she is simply good in bed or because of who they truly are as a person ?? someone to love, someone that will respect and care…
Are we marrying for looks (it will all sag one day my dear slowly but surely) or just to please the eyes, or should we focus on the eternal one, the one that please our soul, our spirit ??
This is where deceptions and temptations come for us to try, test and taste, that brings some excitement on its own, nobody will know or what’s wrong with doing it before, we are told practice makes perfect yeah……………
Jesus has paid the price for our sins that include those who had sex before marriage. Jesus paid for your sins on the cross, He has forgiven you once you have made the decision to repent and walk right. Don’t be put off if you had sex before marriage. You can’t undo the past but you can learn from it.
Some of us might not have started right staying a virgin till given in marriage but we can surely set good examples to others about to do it and the younger generations who might be thinking about it. We learn from our experiences and mistakes…
Sex is supposed to be about connecting you together on all levels. When you have sex without the commitment, you take the bonding part out, then what is left is just sex….. a physical activity. But God did not create sex just for some brief physical pleasure. It goes beyond that and it has to as whatever God created is beautiful, right……..
Sex was created for procreation/reproduction and it goes beyond that, it helps two human beings (man and woman) connect at a deeper level, two souls becoming one, a couple enjoying each other’s company, getting to know each other, express their love and feelings to each other with a touch of deep respect and appreciation. It provides that intimate touch, a sense of connection, to summarise what we call “lets make love……………” (this sounds classy, deeper connection, a bonding of emotions, a sense of being loved, adored and satisfied……….. plenty to explore…..do you agree ) instead of let’s have sex or a quickie (that sounds dirty don’t you agree, am not a dog, a dog can have it anywhere, sounds brief and cheap cause its purely physical)
It’s very rare to hear sex being mentioned in church never mind among Christians. When I asked some of them why, some say it sounds dirty, some are shy and avoid the subject as they act like they don’t know what am talking about, some are too religious, some are just too frozen (probably struggling in that area ..)
Why should this be hidden? out of respect, yes keep it private in bed (agree) We don’t need to have sex on the bus, on the train station or on the plane from air plane mode to sex mode….like they do these days.
What about when it is kept hidden as it leaves you in shame… (think of abuse cases or addictions)
I once heard Joyce Meyer said we should be open to talk about sex especially if people are struggling in that area due to common abuse or simply lacking in the sex department. She gave a live testimony in one of her conference I watched. She was a victim of sexual abuse herself and she was able to share how at times she struggled in that area but she took the problem back to God the creator and God surely helped her…..
Well done Joyce, all those who are still struggling in that area should learn from you.
My brothers and sisters, if you are struggling with SEX, do not hesitate to take your sexual problems back to God and allow His Grace to work in your sexual and marital life, He is the key to your problem. I bet some of you are thinking, oh no, can’t talk about sex to God, why NOT ???
He created it, so He is surely the best to answer. When you have problems with your car, you go and see the mechanic, so it is the same principle.
May be you might find the solution at a gynaecologist, then go ahead if it solves the problem, otherwise you need to go back to God and ask Him what is lacking in your married life (physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual)
Often we tend to confuse love and passion with kinky or dirty sex…. I do not believe God designed sex to be painful and pleasing at the same time (sadism, masochism)
People try to be adventurous, “curious” and explore beyond what God purposed it for and that is an open door for satan to come with: temptations and infest your mind with thoughts to all sorts of perversions, you hear people say kinky sex (they wear some very revealing/sexy clothing and underwear bordering pornography) as porn stars wear it too, so what’s the difference between you and them? You might argue porn stars have sex with many people and am only doing it with one person, with my hubby. Does that make it better or less sinful.
How can you be sure the demonic realm is not activated if you have invited pornography in your relationship, you could be having sex with demons at the same time. How would you know when you can’t see the spiritual realm ? I was told of similar cases above ( including people being raped in their sleep and dreams but they can’t understand why) it makes you wonder how is that possible. Well remember satan does not play fair, you must have invited him unknowingly.
My God says my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. So the foundation is very important. It has to be clean, Our God is very Holy, Moses was reminded to take his sandals off so that he can step in the Holy ground ( Exodus 3:5). If you can’t keep your temple clean, can you expect God to reside in it?
When God created me, He made me perfect. His Word became flesh and that includes me. I cannot see the Word became plastic o something else. So why do we need sex toys to enhance our sex life. To me that is insulting God by using alternate options we are proving what He created already in a man and a woman is not good enough ????
I often hear people say, “am just wearing the clothes but am not doing any act of pornography,,, really ???
In your mind you might have convinced yourself of that, but porn stars wear similar outfit too. So what makes you better than them….
Am not going to explore on the type of sex in details but you know the ones I want to address:
sodomising, masochism, swingers, sadism, whips, pornography, odd fetish
(fifty shades of Grey) etc…and I can’t even imagine what else…
My goodness, I can’t believe how many people were excited to go and watch the fifty shades of Grey movie believing that they will be able to apply that in their sex life to fix their marriage.
I surely don’t fancy a painful whip to satisfy me.. you might call me boring or religious…… but My God will say “Holy and beautiful” created in My Image….(God’s)
Some of you might think it was or it is just a bit of fun and there is no harm to it. It’s just kinky. The same act of “kinky sex” have led to so many traumatised victims of rape…whether we agree or not.
That might be your deception especially from satan. May be it might not cause any harm but why risk taking in indulging in things that God did not approve in the first place !! Will that not be seen as an act of disobedience and disrespectful to God?
Galatians 6:7-10 (NKJV)
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9
If God wanted us to find alternatives ways of pleasing ourselves sexually, am sure He will have mentioned it in His Word. As far as I can remember, God said he created man and a woman (nothing else was added to it ) and my Bible tells me in Genesis 1:28 KJV
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea,
“I can’t see any “plastic” sex toys or kama sutra mentioned in the Book of songs of Solomon either.
Yet, the book of Solomon is a masterpiece of rightful love and sexual romance between a couple.
Do not let your mind wander where satan finds an opportunity to entice you and whisper to you…..(its ok, no one will know….your dirty secrets and so on)
My dear, you don’t need to resort to pornographic materials and other means to fix/enhance your sex life in your marriage. God remains at the centre of you. My Bible tells me my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. So honour your body/this vessel the way God designed it to be. We have to be careful not to mix this with other ways of enhancing sexual needs such as pornography, sex toys etc.. This is not part of God’s plan but a deception from satan, am afraid some of you might not agree and that is your choice (you might think it’s just a bit of fun, but anything outside God’s law and plan, is an open door for satan to use to deceive people and bring abomination to God and His people/His children (addiction to porn, extra marital affairs, result of STIs, AIDS will rise). Divorce is now at its highest ….you agree ? Marriage is turning more of a contract and a sex idol rather than what God initially designed it for.
So why risk it ???
God has approved your relationship that bond you in marriage. All the passions, excitement, you want, ask the Creator to help you without resorting to other means that God does not approve. Again I repeat, do not let your mind be absorbed by what God has not approved. satan never plays fair! father of lies only deceive.
Did you marry the flesh or the soul in the first place… Marriage is turning more to a contract and purely sexual these days, divorce is at his highest, as couples complained the flames and passions, simply the sex drives have died out….. there is no more reason to stay married.
Hence, start by repenting from your sins if you have used other means such as pornography etc unknowingly or knowingly. God will meet you where you are as long as you make the genuine step to change. Cut off all soul ties. If you are struggling with addictions, repentance and deliverance prayer is the way forward. If the person still does not change, you need to ask yourself “am I with the right person?”
Point 1: First focus on God, we serve a beautiful and powerful God that can help you. Start by restoring passion in your heart for God. Know your God, God is love right…. so you want to be loved and give love, then best place to start with the creator of LOVE. For you to know His LOVE, learn to know more about Him and to choose to let Him define your worth. Let Him give you a new passion for life.
Point 2: God is the One who has made you. You will find the fullness of joy in Him above anything else. When He transcends His love on you, then you will be able to define love and show love in return and also those surrounding you, especially those who are broken and does not know how to love.
Point 3-Great married sex starts when two people already have passionate loving relationships with God because then those people are already free to love each other without any expectations or set conditions. There will be no room for insecurities, paranoia and exaggerated jealousies and obsessions.
No more constantly holding hands like as if he/she is handcuffed to you so he does not run away or remind the world that he is taken and he is yours especially in family gatherings and events to show people. I often observed women holding their husbands’ hands as if they have been glued or handcuffed. Must be a lot of sweat coming out of those palms..
Are you holding hands because you want to be romantic and show your genuine love or are you doing it to prove to the “vultures” surrounding you “hands off, he/she is mine and taken already”
My dear, that is not going to stop him from cheating. Similarly wearing a wedding ring or a “really thick” wedding ring is not going to stop the person from cheating.
Love is not self seeking if your marriage is on the rocks both of you have to submit, the spirit has to come in agreement , fixing your face with the best make up, tattooing your eyebrows, wear the best sexy expensive, and revealing clothes, having the perfect body is not going to fix your marriage. You will be deceived as most likely it will be a temporal fix before the cracks surface again. The man who has the most beautiful wife at home still cheats and the same applies for women. Having a child will not stop your husband from cheating. Don’t be fooled……
Proverbs 3:35 ESV: The wise will inherit honour, but fools get disgrace.
If your marriage is not built on God’s foundation and respect, then cracks will surface whether we like it or not but hey we have Good news, Jesus can fix that too. Amen
The foundation is God first, then comes respect through love and commitment/caring. Passion/excitement and pleasures follow after.
God made this clear in His word, KJV 1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Point 4: Take some time once a week at least to pray together when you honour and worship your Lord.
Your insecurities, your cracked marriage can be restored only by God, trying to do it by yourself might make you feel you won but it is a short term relief until you struggle to find the next back up plan until you wear yourself out.
No need to pretend, no need to wear excessive make up, no need to wear kinky/sexy clothing all the times to please the eyes, be yourself !!!! that’s who I am for better or worst….
If my partner can’t appreciate me the way I am, then he is not worth my time, my commitment. So what if it leaves me lonely, God loves me, so how can I be alone. There is no sex and marriage in heaven, so my dear you won’t missing much…
I once met a lady who was going through the above, her husband has to always see her with heavy make up and revealing clothing everyday in order to satisfy his sexual needs. I asked her “are you a sex machine or a porn star” She said No, I just do it to please him and I do not want to ruin my marriage.
I said “really”… I asked what you going to do when you get older or become sick??? She could not answer… You wonder why…
A marriage based on pure physical motives will not survive in the long run. We age don’t we, botox can only last so much ladies…
If my husband can see my beauty without any make-up, then when I wear make-up, I will only enhance my beauty which is either going to be a plus or I will simply look like a clown in the circus………it depends…
When God created you, He said very good and that was without make up.
I learned that from my dad when I was a teenager, I wanted to wear deep red lipstick so that I can look pretty and I kept looking in the mirror and exploring different sorts of make-up. Dad said you don’t really need this, beauty is inner, now you are looking more like a clown girl !!!
My daughter is beautiful just the way she is, he must be blind if he cannot see this.
I said really ??? He replied yes. He gave me a lecture about natural beauty although I was not keen to agree at the time……..
Let the man of your life see the lips without the lipstick first, if he likes it, he will say it taste good……….. then when you add the lipstick he will say it tastes very good….. or greasy…
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong in wearing make-up, it surely enhances beauty and our looks but I believe the “why”, the “how” you use it and the expectations behind will determine who you truly portraying yourself to be…
Hence, make your focus be on your personal relationship with the Lover of your soul first !!!!!!!!! and that is God. When God is the foundation of your marriage, it will no longer be just dependent on your looks and physical aspect but your relationship will flourish intimately, physically, mentally and spiritually, even if there might have been cracks at the start, He has the power to restore it..
It starts with repentance and washing of your sins with the blood of Christ.
Don’t waste time and money in finding ways to enhance/stimulate your sex life. Use what God already gave you. Man made inventions and ideas are limited but God is unlimited. Seek from the right source.
A husband that fear God, will think twice before mistreating his wife.
A husband that respect his wife, will think twice before cheating.
A husband that cares, will love you unconditionally without expectations and will kiss you on your forehead especially when you asleep, whether you are wearing your pyjamas or nice gown, or make up or no make-up, you will still be beautiful. Simple is beautiful.
I strongly believe when you both love God, He pours out the same grace on you both to understand each other, to love, to share and respect each other. You will appreciate each other’s natural beauty and inner beauty, you will enjoy good sex and know the real you before anything else. He will make you one in the spirit (no more unnecessary disagreements/arguments), you will age together gracefully and this to me is a successful and beautiful marriage !!!